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Archive for May, 2008

MY THERMOSTAT IS BROKEN…*edited*

MY INTERNAL ONE THAT IS.SINCE SURGERY I WAKE UP WITH MY NIGHT CLOTHES STUCK TO ME.IT IS REALLY A PAIN IN THE BUTT.SO TODAYS DR’S VISIT INCLUDED A VISIT TO DRACULA.THEY ARE DOING A CHECK ON MY FEMALE HORMONES (DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THAT HEHE),THYROID AND ALL KINDS OF FUN STUFF.SHE SAID IT SOUNDS LIKE MENOPAUSE.LOL IF THATS HOW BAD THOSE HOT FLASHES ARE GOING TO BE I WILL PASS.TODAY IS TRISTINS LAST DAY OF PRESCHOOL.MY BABY IS GROWING UP NEXT YEAR IT IS REAL SCHOOL.I AM STILL,STILL LOOKING FOR THAT STOP GROW SWITCH.ANYBODY KNOW WERE ITS LOCATED?SORRY FOR BEING SO QUIET THIS WEEK…I HAVE BEEN IN A DARK HOLE OF DEPRESSION.IT FEELS LIKE IT HAS ALL HIT FULL THROTTLE.WHOEVER SAID LIFE IS EASY NEEDS A WAKE UP CALL…..

OK SORRY FOR ALL THE CONFUSION…IT IS ACTUALLY POSSIBLE TO BE MENOPAUSE,BUT I AM STILL REALLY YOUNG 29…POSSIBLE HORMONES ARE ALL SCREWED UP OR THE SHOCK FROM SUGERY…I COULD EVEN HAVETHYROID PROBLEMS..I WILL KNOW MORE ONCE DRACULA IS DONE WITH MY BLOOD.IF IT WOULD BE MENOPAUSE I WOULD BE FIVE YEARS YOUNGER THAN MY MOM,GRANDMA,AND AUNTS…IF ITS JUST HORMONES HOPEFULLY THE PILL WILL STRAIGHTEN IT OUT.I SHOULD KNOW MORE MONDAY….

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LOOSING ONE OF OUR OWN…

HOW DO YOU WRITE ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU HAD TO TELL THE MAN YOU HAVE BEEN WITH FOR ELEVEN YEARS THAT ONE OF OUR FRIENDS IS GONE.A MOM,DAD AND SISTER ARE GRIEVING A THIRTY YEAR OLD.WE HAVE TO BE ADULTS AND STEP THROUGH THE GRIEF AND PUT ON OUR MOURNING CLOTHES.ALL WE HAVE NOW ARE THE MEMORIES.I FIRST MET KENNETH IN MIDDLES SCHOOL.WE RAN IN THE SAME CIRCLES.HE WAS AMAZING TO ME..BORN WITH CELEBRAL PALSY THAT AFFECTED HIS LEGS GE DIDN’T LET IT GET HIM DOWN.HE COULD WALK LIKE ANY OF US AND HAD A GREAT ATTITUDE THAT DREW YOU CLOSER TO HIM.ONE OF MY FIRST DANCES WAS WITH KENNETH.HE STEPPED ON MY FEET,BUT WE JUST LAUGHED ABOUT IT.FAST FORWARD SEVERAL YEARS J AND I STARTED DATING AND HE WANTED ME TO MEET HIS FRIENDS.IMAGINE THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN I WALKED IN AND STARTED HUGGING EVERYONE…IT WAS THE CROWD THAT I ALWAYS HUNG WITH.FOR SUCH A LONG TIME KENNETH AND J WERE TWO PEES IN A POD.THEY HARDLY WENT ANYWHERE WITHOUT THE OTHER.AND THEN LIFE SORT OF HAPPENS YOU GET MARRIED HAVE KIDS.AND WE STILL TALKED TO KENNETH WE JUST DIDN’T SEE HIM LIKE WE DID.LAST NIGHT AN ATV ACCIDENT TOOK THE LIFE OF A GREAT SON,BROTHER AND FRIEND.WE LOVE YOU KENNETH AND YOU WILL BE MISSED…5-25-08

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THE FIRST OF MANY…

J WENT BACK TO WORK JUST ONE DAY THIS WEEK.WE ARE TRYING TO EASE BACK INTO NORMAL.OR SHOULD I SAY AS NORMAL OF A LIFE YOU CAN HAVE WITH ONE GOOD ARM,AND THERAPY A COUPLE TIMES A WEEK.IT WAS A TIRING EVENT FOR ME.BUT I HAD MY MIL AND MOM ON STAND BY IF NEED BE.WE SURVIVED..THANK GOD..I AM JUST PRAYING THAT SOME OF MY OLD ENERGY WILL START TO COME BACK.I STILL HAVE GOOD DAYS AND BAD DAYS.FOR NOW I AM CALLING THE DR AND GETTING PUT ON THE PILL.I REALLY DON’T WANT TO TAKE THE CHANCE OF AN OOPS.AFTER SITTING IN THE BATHROOM THE OTHER DAY (WAITING THE LONGEST THREE MINUTES OF MY LIFE)THAT WAS ENOUGH FOR ME SO PILL IT IS.I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE MY IUD BACK,BUT ITS NOT AN OPTION WITH ALL THE MRI’S I HAVE TO HAVE DONE. JULY INCHES CLOSER AND IT SCARES ME IN A WAY THAT WORDS CAN’T EXPRESS.I AM HERE FOR A REASON SO I WILL CONTINUE TO GO STRONG…

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WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN HAVING BOYS…

WHY ISN’T SUCH A BOOK PUBLISHED?BRAIDI DECIDED IN A CROWDED DR.’S OFFICE TO LET ONE RIP.AND WE ARE NOT TALKING A SILENT ONE.NO THIS WAS RANK ENOUGH TO PEEL THE PAINT AND LOUD ENOGH TO PUT A BAD EXHAUST TO SHAME.WHEN MOPPING MY BATHROOM FLOOR THE OTHER DAY MY MOM MADE THE COMMENT THAT SHE NEW WHY SHE HAD GIRLS.OH ITS THE LITTLE YELLOW ROAD HUH M0M?YEP BRAIDI THINKS HE HAS A FIRE HOSE AND ALL OF IT GETS HOSED DOWN…I CAN REMEMBER THOSE FIRST FEW DIAPERS I CHANGED AND SOON GOT HOSED DOWN MYSELF.I THINK A BOOK NEEDS MADE SO MOMS ARE TOLD HOW TO PROPERLY CHANGE THEIR DIAPERS…OH WELL I REALLY WOULDN’T CHANGE A THING.THROUGH IT ALL IT IS A LEARNING EXPERIENCE EVEN FOR ME.WHO NEW ACTION FIGURES COULD BE SO FUN? AND MUDDY BOYS ARE FUN TO WATCH…I DON’T HAVE TO WATCH WRESTLING.I CAN SIT DOWN IN MY LR AND WATCH IT FOR FREE.AND FROM VIEWING HUBBY AND HIS THREE BROTHERS I KNOW THIS NEVER GOES AWAY.I’VE SAID IT ONCE AND WILL SAY IT AGAIN MY MIL WAS A BRAVE WOMAN TO HAVE HAD FOUR BOYS.SHE SAYS THATS HOW SHE’S EARNED ALL HER GRAY HAIRS.HEHE…I WOULDN’T DOUBT IT…DON’T LET ME FOOL YOU EITHER I LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF THIS…

PS:SINCE I KEEP FORGETTING TO COOMENT CONGRATS EMILY  http://emep.wordpress.com/   ON YOUR GREAT NEWS!!

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THIS DAY…MAY 19,2001

I HAVE MARRIED MY FRIEND,THE ONE I LAUGH WITH,LIVE FOR,LOVE. HOW TRUE THOSE WORDS ARE.IN YOUR ARMS I HAVE FOUND THE COMFORT I NEEDED,HOLDING YOUR HAND HAS GIVEN ME THE STRENGTH TO GO ON.LOOKING IN YOUR EYES HAS SHOWN ME WHAT TRUE LOVE IS.NOT A DAY GOES BY THAT I DON’T THINK ABOUT HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO HAVE YOU.IN OUR SEVEN YEARS OF MARRIAGE I CAN THINK OF TWO GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENTS WE HAVE DONE.TRISTIN AND BRAIDIN.HOW DID WE GET SO LUCKY TO BE BLESSED WITH OUR SONS.IF THEY GROW UP TO BE EVEN HALF THE MAN THEIR DADDY IS THEN WE CAN SAY WE DID A GOOD JOB AS PARENTS.THANKYOU AGAIN FOR LOVING ME AND BELIEVING IN ME,EVEN WHEN I DOUBT MYSELF.I LOVE YOU ALWAYS…..

PS:I WOULDN’T HAVE THIS GLARE IF THE SCANNER WORKED HEHE….INSTEAD I AM STUCK TAKING PICTURES OF PICTURES

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PAMPERED FOR THE DAY…

AFTER PHYSICAL THERAPY I WENT AND GOT MY EYEBROWS DONE,MY HAIR CUT,AND I TANNED.IT FELT SO GREAT…YES I STARTED HURTING,BUT IT WAS SO WORTH IT JUST TO FEEL NORMAL FOR A LITTLE WHILE.SO WHY AFTER A GREAT DAY AM I SITTING HERE AT 5:00 A.M. THINKING STUPID THOUGHTS?BAD THOUGHTS…THOUGHTS THAT SHOULD BE CHASED AWAY BY GOOD DREAMS…BECAUSE SLEEP IS JUST NOT HAPPENING TONIGHT…MY FRIEND INSOMNIA HAS REARED HIS UGLY HEAD…SO OF COURSE THE ANXIETY HAS KICKED IN.IN ALL HONESTY I THINK IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT I SHOULD START SOMETIME TODAY…WHEN THOSE HORMONES OF MINE DECIDE TO DROP ALL KINDS OF CRAZINESS IS TRIGGERED IN MY BRAIN…LOL ITS FUNNY HOW ALL OF THAT EFFECTS YOU…OH WELL AT LEAST ONCE I DO START I WILL SLOWLY RETURN TO SOMEWHAT NORMAL….AS NORMAL AS A GIRL CAN BE AFTER HAVING HER HEAD CRACKED OPEN LIKE AN EGG…LOL SO I GUESS RATHER THAN BORING YOU ALL WITH THE SCARY THOUGHTS I WILL SIT HERE AND PRAY SLEEP COMES SOON.IN 4 HOURS I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT.I AM REALLY GOING TO NEED A NAP….HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND CATCH YOU ALL MONDAY….

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POSITIVE VERSUS NEGATIVE…

IN ALL HONESTY I STILL HAVE DAYS THAT I STRUGGLE WITH…SOMETIMES MY BRAIN GOES IN OVERDRIVE. I SIT HERE AND THINK I AM 29 A MOTHER OF TWO.MADLY IN LOVE WITH MY HUSBAND AND BOYS,AND THEY FOUND CANCER…CANCER IN MY BODY…THEN I HAVE TO TRY TO CALM MYSELF AND THINK OF ALL THE BLESSINGS I HAVE.I AM STILL HERE AFTER SURGERY INVOLVING MY SPINE AND BRAIN.EACH DAY BRINGS SOMETHING NEW TO THE TABLE.WILL I HAVE A GOOD DAY OR BAD DAY?RAINY DAYS ARE THE WORSE AS THE PAIN TAKES OVER MY BODY AND MAKES IT HARD TO MOVE.I WILL PROBABLY HAVE ARTHRITIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.MY LEFT SIDE IS STILL NUMB.TO BE HONEST IT JUST SUCKS.IT FEELS UNREAL AT TIMES.LIKE I AM IN A BAD DREAM.MY FULL BODY MRI IS SCHEDULED FOR JULY.I AM SO SCARED.BUT I HAVE TO KEEP TELLING MYSLEF THAT I AM STILL HERE FOR A REASON.THE DR. SAID HE THINKS IT IS A VERY SLIM CHANCE OF FINDING IT ANYWHERE ELSE SINCE I DON’T HAVE ANY SYMPTONS THAT WOULD SHOW UP IF IT WAS IN MY BODY.SO FOR NOW I JUST TRY TO THINK OF THE POSITIVES IN MY LIFE.AND I TRY NOT TO DWELL ON THE NEGATIVES.

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