Yesterday J dropped Braidi and I off at the hospital…when we came off the elevator their he stood.The man that had raised me and I called dad…He looked at me and I looked at him then looked away.I am not going there.Whats done is done.The ties are cut.After he and my mom divorced I wrote a letter forgiving him for the past wanting to prove to be the better person.And we were working on our relationship until I dropped the bomb announcing that I found my real father.How can you explain to someone how empty you have felt.I look like my mom in built but thats it.I needed to know that I fit somewhere that need only increased after having Tristin.So I went looking for my dad and found him.Finally I felt complete.And in doing this relieved the man that raised me.He wasabout stepping aside..crazy huh?But he was thats all the feeling he had for me.It was easier on him than me.I was 2 when he married my mom just a babe.He was the only dad I ever new.But that mattered little to him.He didn’t care about building a bond with me.He took care of me because I was part of the package,but that was it.The older I got the worse it got.He just didn’t care.So yesterday when I saw him it brought it all back..He heard from my sister about my surgery.He sent flowers to ICU and you never get those because you are in ICU.Do you think he ever thought to call afterwards no…does that sound like a man that cared about the girl that he helped raised..no it doesn’t and thats why I looked away..there is nothing to say its over and done with.Those ties are cut.
As you know I have my own fatherly issues. But really, my issues run much deeper. I SO understand your feelings abou thte man who raised you. It’s so hard to walk away, but sometimes that’s what we need to do.